the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
