Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
