He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
