Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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