He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
