If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Randomize
