dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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