Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
