i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
