woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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