the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
