Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
