I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
