My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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