i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
