Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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