he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
