very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
