Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
