you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
