i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
