Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
