I wish my penis had an off switch
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
