DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
