I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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