apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
