So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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