and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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