By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
