He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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