Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just cropdusted the office
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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