Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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