I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
