If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
