Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
