He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
