Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I FOUND THE LEGS
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
