And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
