I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
