I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
They are going to name an STD after you.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
