i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
