ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize