yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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