I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
