i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize