Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
