You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize