I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
