Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
