Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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