I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You took a bar mat shot.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize