No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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