This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So many bounce houses so little time
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
