I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
