I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
