i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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