She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
