Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Dear god my vagina.
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