SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
