I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
