i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
