There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
