you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
