Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize