the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
