Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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