ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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