So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
