I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
