I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
it glows. i had to have it.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
