When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
