After last night, I could never be a politician.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize