One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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