I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
