The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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