girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
