what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
