he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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