Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
